"What's wrong with you, the only wear clothes unkempt. Come here mama fix. "
Perhaps this phrase we often hear in daily conversation between mother and child. But did the impact of the phrase "ordinary" is?
Alva developmental psychologists Handy, S. Psi. reveals, the phrase could break the confidence of children that she can wear clothes properly. "Be careful with such a negative sentence. You naughty, you naughty, or you're stupid is negative sentences that can instill confidence in children that he is indeed like that, "said Alva.
A child who brought a visit by her parents for example, could feel it himself shy due to the sentence that came out of their parents, "Excuse me, my child is shy."
Unfortunately, children were more likely to receive negative sentences than positive sentences. Not just in this country, as well as in various other parts of the country. Citing research conducted in the United States, Alva said, every day a child gets a negative word as much as 750 words. Instead they just get positive word by 65 words per day!
"Compare how many servings of more negative words than positive words. According to the study, obtained by the child's negative words come not only from their parents, but from other environments such as grandmothers, friends, relatives, even his teacher, "said Alva, concerned.
In fact, to foster self-confidence in children, one of the efficacious fertilizer is by giving them positive words, one form of praise when children do something good. However, praise should not be too excessive. If a portion of praise is given out of the ordinary, instead will become a boomerang for the child, the child makes overconfidence alias too confident.
When the boy was too confident, it will be difficult to receive feedback or suggestions from others. He will always feel right and blame someone else. With such properties, in social relations, of course, he will be shunned by their environment.
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GROWING confidence in treating children like shoots of plants. These shoots could grow only with the help of nature, but it would be more fertile if we follow the watering and nurturing these shoots.
According to Alva, a lot of things you can do the parents in helping children gain self-confidence. "For example, when children ask parents to show his enthusiasm to answer that question. Further, even encourage children to continue to ask again, for example with 'Okay, you want to ask what else? "This habit makes kids later dare ask in class. If the child does not dare ask trained at home, at school she can confusion and fear to a comment a friend or teacher if she asks something, "said Alva.
Confidence is also grown through the things that seem trivial but very useful, for example, involve children in decision-making at home.
"Such children will be asked to suggest where on vacation this time. Even if the proposal was later found not make sense or can not be met, the child still be given the award for his proposal. And parents to explain and give sensible reasons why they could not accept the proposal, "he said.
To make a child's confidence, parents must do the parenting that stimulate or merangsanag child's confidence. Parents can also help children gain self-confidence by finding the source of confidence, namely potential.
Potential in each child may vary. There can be extracted from the results of academic or achievement in school. However, it does not mean children who are not doing well in school do not have a source of such confidence. Potential of children's self can be extracted from other channels, such as the ability to sing, dance, or also the nature kind, helpful, and so forth.
It is almost as expressed International Director, John Robert Power to Indonesia, Indayati Oetomo. According to him, a child who is confident does not always mean good, but he was able to appear and be able to socialize well. "The child is also usually attractive," he said on the sidelines of the search for the children confident "Pede Brseragam White Star Surf", Sunday (27 / 8).
In connection with this confidence pemumpukan, Alva was not comfortable with the system of ranking in the class. Made reference to the class ranking academic emampuan can make children who do not enter the ranks of the inferiority complex and considered himself stupid.
Funny but also mengaharukan incident happened to one small client Alva. Child naive new 1st grade are confused when not hear his name mentioned in the acquisition of 10 students in her class. He tells his parents, "Mrs. ngggak teachers think ya know me?"
When a group of people agree with the ranking system on the grounds of academic value to mengetahaui her academic ability, according to Alva disiasati by asking directly to the teacher concerned. Teachers may sort children based on the amount of its value, but not published directly on the children. Parents who are interested can ask quietly.
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Instill a confident attitude should be done as early as possible, especially in children aged 5 to 12 years, when parental education is embedded in both the brain child.
Because it is not instant, you should feel confident nurtured since childhood. If from childhood the child already has a strong sense of confident, easier to develop themselves and the potential that exists in itself, "said Indayati.
According Indayati, feeling confident is the main fuel one's success in life. "Once the fuel was obtained, achieving success in all its activities just a matter of time, depending on one's work done," he said.
When parents want their children confident, she should not overprotective, but tut wuri handayani. "Release the child to take part and parents are pushing from behind. Do not be too many restrictions, so the child will fear itself. Do not target something for children. Obsession parents will actually push the child. Give your kids comfort, not pressure, "said Indayati.
Interventions that too many of the parents, said Indayati, will turn off the creativity of children. Hence, he suggested, parents train their children as early as possible to compete, dare to come, so he will be confident.